Emytt: Newborn Photography

I know that most of my loyal blog readers have probably already seen these photos on my facebook page, but for those of you that don't follow me there,here there are!



Emytt was not even a week old when we did these pictures. That's the perfect time to get newborn photos like these. That's partly because newborns change so fast, and after a week, they look quite different already! It's also because at this age, babies are still sleeping a lot, and they aren't moving themselves around much even when they are awake, so they're very cooperative subjects!



Emytt's big brothers (who are as cute as can be!!) gave him this teddy bear to help watch over him :)



I love photos of babies crying and fussing. I think it's adorable the way they scrunch up their little faces. Emytt didn't give me much chance to take any. He was so content, and he slept for almost the entire time we were shooting. And he only had two accidents, which was also nice :)



I was so happy that I was able to shoot this session with natural light. It just seems wrong to go flash-crazy on a baby, so I borrowed my parents' garage loft and enjoyed gorgeous natural light.




I debated whether to grab this tray (which I normally keep fruit on in my kitchen) for the baby shoot, and I'm glad I did. And it illustrates how we can use things from your own house for your baby's shoot. Maybe not always the fruit bowl, but I guarantee there are awesome props right in your house :)




I have to thank Emytt's parents, Candice and Lee, for allowing me to do his newborn photos. I had a wonderful time, they let me do all the things I'd been planning for ages, and they didn't mind driving out to my parents' house in Ethel for the shoot. Thank you so much guys!



*I don't want to be misleading about my services, so I will point out that these were done with a backdrop, though generally what you're seeing in the background is actually blankets. I don't normally use backdrops, but because we used my parents' garage for the shoot, the location didn't have a whole lot of meaning for Emytt and his family. I won't be offering shoots with backdrops on a regular basis, though, except maybe for newborns.

Twenty-Seven

Yup, I'm 27. I don't know why 27 sounds so much older than 26. I think odd numbers are like that. Anyway, 27 sounds so grown up.

It's funny, but when people hear how old I am, at whatever age, I get one of two very different reactions.

There are the people who don't really know me that well, probably have never seen me with my kids, and who are always really surprised to find out I'm that old. I like to think I look youthful and always will. I'm sure I'm just immature ;)

Then there are people who know me a little better, see me with my kids a lot, and probably know that I also did four years of post-secondary school. They likely assume I did the school thing and the kids thing consecutively and not concurrently. Anyway, they're always surprised that I'm so young.

Of course there are also the people who know me the best, and they're just surprised that year after year I continue to think my birthday is some kind of big deal even though most people my age have matured beyond that :)

So, my birthday present to myself this year was that I set aside my huge backlog of other work for an evening and got my new website up and running. There are still some tweaks and some more additions to be made, and I have some talking to do with my former hosting provider to get the old livingproofphotography.ca site moved, but I'm officially moved in to amandastratton.com now. Yay! Happy Birthday to Me!

I'll be moving my blog in due course as well, but I'm still working on the coding for it, and I didn't get it done before I decided I better pack it in because the girls and I are headed to do my niece's shoot tomorrow morning because she recently turned The Big 3! And my sister Tracey said she'll buy me some TCBY, and I love TCBY, so I think it's safe to say that between the company, the yogurt, and the knowledge that my new site is spreading photo loveliness to all the lands of the earth, it will be a good birthday. :)

I hope everyone else has a great day, too!

And since this day is all about me (what, it's not???)... I'm going to post a photo that Hilary from One for the Wall Photography took for me a couple weeks ago. Hilary is a truly awesome portrait photographer, so check out her blog.




P.S. Thank you to everyone who sent me supportive messages regarding yesterday's blog post. Your comments, emails, and tweets were truly appreciated. If you were hanging around twitter last night, you know that I debated posting that. I wondered if it was too personal or too negative, or too something else. I'm glad I posted it. Not only did it feel good to get it all out, but the affirmation in your responses was really uplifting. And I don't usually say stuff like that ;)

I'm On Empty

I know the metaphor isn’t original, but it feels like the right one.

I feel like for the past year, I’ve been running on whatever tiny amount of fuel I had left when I walked out the door of my home and moved to my parents’ house.

And now I’m empty, because I never stopped to refuel myself. I thought that it was more important that I be strong and keep moving on with my life as if I hadn’t even noticed that anything changed. At first, I did feel better. Maybe I was getting better mileage without the weight of an unbearably difficult relationship.

But I was afraid if I stopped, took pause, reflected, or just sat still for too long, I wouldn’t be able to get back on the road. So I didn’t stop. I went to New York, I went back to school, I went to work on my business, I went on my daughter’s class trips, I went to Vegas, I went to the doctor and the dentist, I went to Niagara Falls, I went to Kitchener, I went to the grocery store, I went up and down the streets until I couldn’t keep my eyes open anymore. I went anywhere I could just to make sure I never stopped.

My days got longer and nights got shorter. I never went to bed until I was so tired that I knew there was no chance I’d get lost in thought before I was fast asleep. I never slept long enough to dream.

Everything got harder. My fuel got lower. I sputtered down streets I would have sped through before. But I still refused to stop. I didn’t want to look around. I wanted to focus on getting somewhere instead, even though I had no idea where I was headed, and I was pretty sure that wherever this was taking me, I didn’t want to be there.

I was exhausted, and the anger, sadness, and frustration that I was trying not to look at in my rearview mirror were pulling up alongside me every time I slowed down.

I fell farther and farther behind on everything. On bills, on work, on school, on parenting. I was more and more distracted, trying always to focus on anything but reality.

And then on the most unexpected of days, something happened and I stopped. And I cried.

For the first time since I had left Josh over a year earlier, I cried about it. I cried great heaving sobs and felt sorry for myself. In the past year, I had lost the family I knew, the job I had, my sense of home, and what felt like my entire identity. And every time, when friends and family members called or offered a hug, I’d wave it away. “It’s not a big deal.” “It’s for the best.” “It’s really a good thing.” “Stop freaking out,” I’d say to mildly concerned people, “it’s okay.”

And when that little ache in my chest crept up on me, I waved it away, too. For a year, I brushed it off. I told everyone, including myself, that I was fine. I wanted to be strong and optimistic, and happy in the face of it all.

But that ache persisted until that one night when I finally admitted I felt it. Like I finally noticed the gas light was on. As I watched Josh moving on, I realized I wasn’t. For all of my speeding away, I had only ever gone in circles. I hadn’t really eked out peace for myself. I had used every last ounce of energy I could to keep the appearance of it, though. And now that’s what I’m empty of. That energy is gone. There is nothing left to keep me just ahead of the ache.

I still think that I made the right decision leaving that day over a year ago. And if there is one thing that I truly believe in, it’s blessings in disguise. Or at any rate, I believe that there is an upside to almost everything, even if it takes a while to reveal itself.

But I am sad, too. I’m sad that I don’t have the family I wanted and that I thought I would have. And I’m lonely. Not simply for Josh, but for my sense of belonging and self that came from knowing all of my roles to play.

And sometimes I’m so angry I want to scream at the top of my lungs until I can’t scream anymore. And sometimes I’m so frustrated I just want to kick at the confusion until it cracks.

They’ve all caught up with me, these familiar strangers that have been chasing me the past year. So now, when most people might be starting to pick up the pieces and move on, I’m finally stopping.

I’m crying, and screaming, and kicking. And grieving.

Because all of these changes cause grief, and the thing about grief is that it will wait. It will wait until you’re ready. It will hang around in the corners of your mind, it will rest with a dull ache in your chest, and it will idle along in your rearview mirror, until you notice it, acknowledge it, and invite it in.

Grief doesn’t go away when you ignore it. It doesn’t grow. It doesn’t shrink. It doesn’t transform itself. It just waits. Patiently. Mostly silently. It waits.

I’ve seen people wait days, months, and years to acknowledge grief, but I don’t think it ever changes the way we experience it. I didn’t do my crying and kicking and screaming a year ago, so I’m doing it now. I’m pretty sure it’s the same crying and kicking and screaming I would have done then.

In the end, I think it’s the grief that will transform me. This past year, I’ve been going in circles because change upon change took place, and I refused to let the grief in. I’ve tried to search my soul and heart and mind, but I wouldn’t look in the places where I knew there was grief, because I wanted to pretend it wasn’t there.

I lost what I thought was me, but I never moved toward a new me, or a more authentic me, or the me I wanted to be, because I didn’t know where those things were. But I think the road map to them started to be laid out when I let grief in.

It’s filled me up first with the energy of anger and sadness and frustration, so that I can learn to be full again. And as I empty myself of those things, I’m finding little pockets to fill with different kinds of energy, and newfound pieces of myself.

And one day, in the who-knows-how-distant future, that lest vestige of grief will fall by the wayside, and I’ll move on down a better road. I just have to be patient with grief. Like it was with me.

Niagara Falls

Last week, the girls and I went away on vacation together for the first time ever! It was also the first time that any of us had been to Niagara Falls, so I was really excited to be able to share that experience with them!

My mom came with us, and there are a few reasons I love travelling with my mom. One is that my mom is not a timeline stickler. This works well because I'm not a timeline follower. We left three hours later than we had intended to in the morning, and my mom was okay with that. I mean, sure, we both wanted to leave earlier, but were we going to let that ruin one second of our vacation? No, of course not! What would be the point?

So we left my place and headed out on the three hour drive to Niagara Falls, with the girls in the back seat. They were awesome little troopers, and we only had to make one stop for leg stretching!

Our plan was to stop at Niagara Parks Botanical Gardens on the way in, meet my sister Tracey and her daughter, Maya, and have a picnic lunch there. The kids blew bubbles, we ate lunch, they climbed trees, and we wandered the gardens. It was perfect and peaceful. I think I mentioned a few times that I could have laid down and napped there.











I had never seen cabbage like this before. I totally forget what it was called, but I declared immediately that if I ever get married, this cabbage will be my centrepiece. Well, not this exact cabbage, as I assume it will be decomposed by the time I ever get married, but one like it. I also thought the green plants on the lower middle would make a nice accent to said cabbage. And maybe some white peonies for a bit of luxury factor. Rotten apples not so much. You may mock, but I swear it's going to be really pretty.


Eventually, we decided we'd better head into the city to check into our hotel and get on with our other plans. We stayed at the Sheraton On the Falls, and I'm so glad we did. When I first started planning a getaway to Niagara Falls, I intended to stay somewhere cheap. But I decided that since this was my girls' first hotel stay, I wanted to give them at least a bit of luxury.

Of course, we made them carry the bags. They have to earn their stay somehow ;)


We had a room on the 20th floor, with a balcony and a gorgeous view of the falls.




The Sheraton on the Falls is also one of only three hotels with a direct indoor connection to the famous Fallsview Indoor Waterpark, but we didn't go there. The hotel was great, the service was good, and the TV in the bathroom impressed the heck right out of my kids. That's exactly what I wanted to give them--a break from ordinary and a couple of days of just having fun and doing whatever we want!



(I was impressed by the Sheraton's white sheets. When I look at hotel room pictures when choosing a hotel, all I'm looking at is the colour of the sheets. Hotels should have white sheets. It's only right.)


After having some hotel time, we walked down to the river (literally a three minute walk, even with two three-year-olds) and we got some tickets for the Maid of the Mist. At this point, I want to interject that I was not sure what to expect of the Falls at all. Of course I've seen pictures of the falls, so I sort of knew what it would look like. But I felt that maybe after waiting so long, it would be anticlimactic. I felt much the same about the Maid of the Mist. In fact, some people had told me that it wasn't worth the money (BTW, it was only $14.50 for me, and both of my kids were free) and that it wasn't very impressive.

Those people are boring.



When you're on that boat and get close to the horseshoe falls, you feel like you're caught in a storm of wind and rain. The rushing water drowns out pretty much all sound, and it takes a moment to get accustomed to the rocking of the boat. It's a cool experience just at that, but then when you get your bearings and look around you to see that you're almost surrounded by walls of water. Well, I'm sorry, but you have to be one of those really annoying people who tries too hard to be blase about everything to not be impressed and awe-struck. It was really cool.

I also have to ask something here. Somebody replied to me on twitter saying "check Canadian side of Niagara Falls too, some say it is better view." I've seen similar advice other places. I'd like to direct your attention back to my photo of our hotel view, as it best demonstrates my point.



I'm at a loss in understanding how it's even physically possible to see the US falls and not the Canadian falls?? It would seem that you probably can't even see the falls from the US, can you? Wouldn't you just kinda see a river ending? Maybe I should go over there sometime and check.



Anywho, after our Maid of the Mist adventure, we wandered around a bit, bought some tourist items (I got my usual mug!) and then we meandered around Clifton Hill. I'm embarassed to say I didn't know Clifton Hill existed, such as it is. I thought (can you see me blushing?) that Clifton Hill was a town near Niagara Falls. It's not. It's a street that runs right down to the falls and has kind of a "Vegas/Times Square meets Main Street Disneyland" feel about it. Things looked pricey there, and we didn't really do anything, but I think it was probably a cool experience for the kids just to see all the lights and be out late!

One thing that could have made our trip even better would have been knowing that fireworks and free concerts take place on Wednesday night and Friday night, but not on Thursday night, which is when we were there. If I had known, I would have gone on Wednesday so we could see the fireworks. But now we know for next time!




We finally went back to the hotel, gave the girls a bath for the sole purpose of allowing them to watch TV whilst in the bath, and then we hit the sack after my sister and I had a brief argument about air conditioning. The next morning we lounged around in the hotel room until checkout time. This was an important part of my vacation, and I'm glad the rest of the people with me consented to it even though I think I was annoying them with my lack of "get up and go".

Our main Day Two activity was Marineland, but this post is already really long, and I didn't take many pictures there, so I won't bother to write home about it!

Niagara Falls was the perfect choice for our first family vacation, and I'm so glad we went! Here's one final shot of Marissa having a cuddle with Grandma in the courtyard in front of the hotel. Such a beautiful and relaxing spot!

Anyone Wanna Hang?

Since Marissa's birthday is over, that means mine is next. I know it makes me sound like a little kid, but I still love my birthday. I don't usually do anything for my birthday, but I still just like the fact that it is my birthday.

Shortly after I turned 26, I made a list of ten goals for my 27th year. I think about the list often, which is good, but I don't often work toward those goals, which is bad.

And now there are two weeks left until my birthday, so it's time to see what I can pull out the fire at the last minute.

1. Clean out my Inbox.
I can do this! I will do this! I intend to hit up Staples on Saturday for some paper so I can print out anything I need and delete the rest. I must conquer the inbox!!

2. Find a way to use my photography to help the community.
I did do Cans for Comments, but I wish I had done more, and would like to do more next year. I just don't know what to do. Ideas?

3. Finish 6 courses at school.
This was amended to four because I wanted my sanity back, and as of Saturday when I write my French exam, that will be done! I don't know if I'll pass French, but I did finish it.
3.5. Learn Vectors.
I could cram this in. I think I can!

4. Go to 3 places I've never been before.
I went to New York City and Las Vegas. And when this posts, barring anything unforeseen, I'll be in Niagara Falls. Yay!

5. Walk to Run.
Um, can we pretend we didn't see this one? I can't be done the 12 weeks by my birthday, but I can be on week 5. That must be good for partial points.

6. Call Missy. Scratch that. SEE Missy.
I saw Missy a couple of times. It would have been nice to see her more, but I'm sure we will soon!

7. Go out to dinner/chat/hang with 10 people I didn't know before.
Okay, this didn't happen either and I thought it would be the easy one. I did meet Lisa, Hilary, and Angela and hung out with each of them a bit. I can't really count actual shooting time, but Megan and Jonathan and I went for dinner together and it was a good time, so I could count it. That's 4. I need 6 more. Anybody wanna hang? Seriously.

8. Read the news once a week.
pffffft..... so didn't happen. I've realized, though, that I'm just not a news-reader. or watcher. or listener. I have a hard time watching the news because I get really upset about anything bad that happens, particularly to children. Like in tears. I didn't used to be like that. I would really like to follow current events, but I just can't handle it. I'm a terrible citizen. :(

9. Do one craft a week with my kids.
This didn't happen, either, and I do feel bad about that. We probably did 10 crafts.... maybe. If I do the other 42 in the next two weeks, does that count? No... I guess that's not the same.

10. TAKE TIME TO BREATHE
I don't think I did very well with this the past year. But I'm working now toward organizing my life so that it's easier to breathe. And I don't mean that I'm thinking about it. I'm actually doing things to get organized, which is new for me.

Wish me luck as I cram for my birthday. Next year, I think I'll have fewer goals.

And since we all like pictures, here's a quick shot from Vegas (the Hoover Dam, to be specific):